Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
