There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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