There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
