just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
