I cannot find my penis.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
