Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
