A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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