By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize