someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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