I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
