How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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