The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
