god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
