In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
