Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
