just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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