his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
