I cockslap morals
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize