Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
