She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
