Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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