Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
