i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My bed smells like the plague
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
