hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
