btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize