At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
