i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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