You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize