i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
