After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
