also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You've changed since you got that strap on
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
