Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just found puke in my bra..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I touched a dick in church today
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
