thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize