Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
