I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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