Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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