overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
