Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
