im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
whose parrot is this?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
