the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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