I'm lost and stupid without you.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
