I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
