OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
