Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
