you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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