We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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