Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
