her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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