I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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