i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize