I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
