did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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