so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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