Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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