five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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