Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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