I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
