you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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