I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
