and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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