i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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