note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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