You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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