My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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