Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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