That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
