The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
