I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
