I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
