never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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