the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize