I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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