i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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