ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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