Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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