i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
