You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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