if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
