I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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