I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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