Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
