i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize