This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
