I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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