this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
