if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
