okay pat passed out under dana's car
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
