Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
