ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
