vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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