I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
