A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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