I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
